Friday, May 25, 2012

FAILING AT LIFE: The Kate Upton Edition

OK, its time. I've fought long enough against any scathing rants on loathsome celebrities in hopes of remaining more high brow and positive, but friends we know such a fantasy cannot last forever. Its time to unleash the harsh truth and todays unsuspecting victim is the shitteous Kate Upton. Apparently, no one has been to L.A. before because all of a sudden run of the mill blondes with no talent have a chance at superstardom. This girl, who mind you always manages to look like she just got f-ed and I mean that in the "you look absolutely horrendous" kind of way, is 2012's Spring "it" girl. With covers on magazines showcasing her slumpy boobs, commercials on every channel (no one wants to see you smear mayonnaise all over your face katie), and now the fashion red carpet?! The appeal is just baffling. Don't get me wrong, thanks to her body we're able to ignore her uncanny resemblance to Miss Piggy and classify her as a solid 7.5 BUT this is supposed to be a model, as in, its your job to be uniquely beautiful all the time and especially in clothes. Come on look at that picture, she doesn't even realize that her high-waisted spanx just butchered any chance she had at pulling off runway ready Vuitton.
Anna Wintour hates you for a reason Upton.

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